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My quote of the day, which I thought fitting in light of the current political climate and the (migraine-inducing) debates:

"Welcome, Prince," said Aslan. "Do you feel yourself sufficient to take up the Kingship of Narnia?"

"I --- I donapos;t think I do, Sir," said Caspian. "Iapos;m only a kid."

"Good," said Aslan. "If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would have been a proof that you were not."

~ Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis

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So last night was Angelaapos;s bday party It was so much fun. I looked amazing and took a crapload of pictures I havenapos;t look at them yet, but iapos;m going to upload them soon.

So I came over adn we got sushi (me, ange, frost, barbara, bradley, anathea and her husband) which was delicious, but I wish I had gotten one more roll because i was starving afterward.

We went home and waited for people and got dressed. I wore my new leather corset, an older skirt and my black knee high boots. I need new boots for the halloween party next weekend so I can be prepared, my boots kinda fell apart last night, and i didnapos;t realize it until we got back from the club.

So I went with Laur, Jesus, Heather and Meehan. They are soooo cool. And they are alot of fun to hang out with. So we got there and I had a drink or two, and made sure I danced with everyone. We danced to the goth music for like an hour and a half, then I went downstairs to the 80apos;s club which was much better. I like 80apos;s music better So I danced and I danced with all kinds of people, Angela, heather, meehan, TJ, alex, pam, ben (dressed as a hot dog, which was rather awesome) and chloe amongst others. I also hung out with Amy and Deturo. I realized how awesome Matt D. Is. We just talked about random shit and we ended up head butting a bunch of times. I tried to outlast him witha sustained head butt, but I had to give up.

I ended up dancing until like 1:45, but I dontapos; remember the last hour of the club...hmmm...So Laur nad Heather left early and I drove iwth them, but they arranged for someone else to drive me back to angelas. Another reason why they are awesome So Jen was bringing me home. But we had to drive her friend to Manhattan, so I was going to get there later then angela, frost and alex. The holland tunnel was closed and the lincoln tunnel had traffic so she took me home then was going back out there to drop her friend off at port authority. So I didnapos;t get back until like 2:30 and angela and frost were up, but alex went to bed. I wanted to hang out more, but i was so exhausted that I passed out. Angela was having a rough night with her teeth and I felt so bad. So i woke up and drove home this morning, which was sucky becuase i was exhausted. So i came home and slept until like 12:30 then got up and ate something, my stomach wasnapos;t happy.

And iapos;ve been watching scary movie 2 and 3 and now time for work

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No one cares to be the buster to my lucille bluth. I am officially a sailor for halloween.

iapos;m listening to rudyapos;s band and i wonder what heapos;s like now.

i want these so goddamn bad it hurts. I canapos;t stop thinking about them. I donapos;t know if i should actually order them online. Christ, nevermind that they are 130$ but the shipping costs 40$. Fuck. I really wish they were still around in stores.



last night was mine. Watched tons of telly w/richard. I did well.



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More politics related news, entering the results into computers found that the conservatives had only won by 43 votes, so a recount has been ordered for my riding. Fingers crossed

I did nothing yesterday, and it felt wonderful. I am unburnt-out again, and back to work. Exam schedule came out yesterday, doesnapos;t look too bad for me, except for having an exam on the last day.

This morning we went to the market with K. And restrained ourselves admirably. Maple syrup and squash Tonight I am going to make more borscht for a friend, and hopefully finish another assignment. I and Alfy have started watching the Big Bang theory and finding it very funny.

The balcony garden is dying, with only 2 of the tomatoes and 2 of the peppers having successfully ripened, we are thinking of brining the pepper plant in to give a fighting shot for the remaining peppers.

Plane tickets booked for home, leaving on the 21st, return on the 3rd. The upside this year is I can escape to Calgary with my sister if things get to tense. There is stuff and places in Calgary, right? Well, more places than Grande Prairie anyway..... And Iapos;ll bring my gps and get OSM traces for the entire town of Hanna. That should burn a whole day right there.

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I am so sick of being tired and almost in tears about everything.
The other night�I didnt feel anything and just sat on the bed without a thought going through my mind. But before that I was struggling not to cry because Scott worries about me when i have no answer when he asks whatapos;s wrong.
I am almost at breaking point.
I am just sick of being so ill all the time i hate not being able to do anything and if i do i feel faint. I am sick of the severe mood swings all the time.

Maybe I am just sick of everything all together....
I love being pregnant and knowing that there is a little life blossoming inside me but I hate everything that has to go with it.
Scott always whinges about backaches and being tired but when I want to whinge I get told, either apos;You have no ideaapos; when it comes to backaches or apos;You dont do anythingapos; when itapos;s about being tired.
It shits me that I have to put up with all this shit and not having a good enough excuse besides apos;Im carrying a babyapos;....it hurts me that my complaints fall on deaf ears.
After all he got me pregnant, this child is supposed to be something we both wanted, sometimes he just doesnt seem to care, never has been very enthusiastc about bub unless I tell him that I felt it move or something. He never really seemed to be very sympathetic when I had to go through all that stress in the beginning or when I am throwing my guts up.
Maybe he is just scared, but I want him to tell be, I am sick of asking whether this is really what he wants when I have a massive breakdown (how do I know if he is just trying to calm me down?)

I get so lonely because I really dont have anyone to talk to, when my friends who are mothers themselves call I am in a good mood, so they have no idea how I am realy struggling.
I hate what has happened to my body. My boobs are covered in nasty stretchmarks that poke out of my tops. My skin looks paler and veinyer than ever. My hair feels like straw and I just feel fat, even though I am not putting on weight.
Only on some days do I apos;lookapos; pregnant. And usually scott says that with a strange nervous look on his face...(what am I supposed to think about that????)

As for baby names, I swear he is determined to stick with the 2 names he likes. I dont like the name kylie as much becasue it just doesnt seem right but every other name I like is either an ex girlfriendapos;s name or a sisterapos;s name, or he just hates the sound of it....Although the name robert still stands if itapos;s a boy. I sit� there and read the baby name book I got and read out the names I like in the hope that he would become a little more active in finding a name, but no...
If he is all freaked out now, what is he going to be like when we have only a few more weeks to go???

Also, I need to get out of this house. I am sick and tired of feeling in the way here and his nanna is the only company besides the dogs I have. I cant get a job because I am a liability and I cant stand for long periods or I will faint. It sucks and I have another 5 months of sitting around on my ass with nothing to do...he whinges about having to go to work and only getting 2 days off (which is what everyone else gets, fair enough his hours are much longer...effectively pulling 12h days) yet all I can say is apos;At least you have something to doapos;.... I hate being jealous of him.
If i stuck with uni what would have happened? I would have gotten so sick and stressed that I ended up miscarrying and left uni due to even more severe personal issues...I wont ever forget that night I just couldnt take it anymore, I dont want to get to that point again.
Anyway if I stayed I woudnt have been well enough to do anything, I would have been a walking vomiting zombie for 10weeks...I still am that way now.

ARGH it is just so frustrating

I feel so helpless, the only thing that keeps me going is that I know I have scott coming home to me to hug me and make the boring, depressing life go away. The two days he has off are something I really look forward to, like a child does christmas or easter.


He wants to het a new job and I want to get a house and settle in before bub comes.

Who is going to get what they want?

I have told scott countless times that there is no way in hell�I am going to stay in this hellhole, I would rather go back live with my parents in the middle of nowhere. At this rate our kid will be 21 and still sleeping in the same bed with us..... Its a very depressing thought....

I just need a life to make the next few months not drag by so ridiculously slowly...before I go insane and kill everyone with those squeeky-toy fish in tha bathroom..........

Oh shit, maybe I already have gone insane...


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I yelled out loud when I saw this poll...I could barely believe it. Earlier this week a poll came out (done by MN State University) indicated a two point lead for Obama in the state of North Dakota (45-43)...well Daily Kos had Research 2000 do a poll in ND to see if that was a blip or not.

Research 2000 poll released today:

45-45 Tie

...INCREDIBLE. Note, this is now the most Republican-leaning state in this election to even show a lean towards Obama...Itapos;s Cook Partisan Voting Index is R+13 This is compared R+9 for Nebraska Congressional District 2 (Greater Omaha) and R+7 for Indiana.

This is ridiculous.
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